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6 Deep Questions to Help You Understand Why You’re Stuck




Being stuck is like being in a dark hole. You want to climb out of it, but can’t see anything or find a rope or ladder. It overwhelms you with feelings of fear, anxiety, and confusion. The world seems to speed past while you stay exactly where you are. You realize the need to get out of your current situation, but you feel held back by an even stronger desire to do nothing to change your condition.

In order to understand why black women remain stuck in their lives, here are 6 questions you should ask yourself:

1. Are my expectations of myself too high? Reexamine your expectations of yourself. You can’t do everything perfectly. It is normal to feel disappointed in yourself if you don’t live up to your expectations. Still, you will steal your joy by comparing yourself to others and having expectations so lofty that you think you’re not enough. The depressed state that will follow will keep you stuck in a rut.

2. What are my goals? Living without a purpose is one of the quickest ways to find yourself in a rut. You can’t do anything if you have no sense of direction. Since you are stuck in a hole, the only path to go is up. How do you do this? Put up a vision board. Pin pictures and words of things you find beautiful and inspiring on the vision board. Make brief notes of goals you want to accomplish. They can be big or small. How will this help you? Writing your goals is great, but it’s not enough. A vision board is a visual representation of your goals, which makes them feel within reach.


3. How much time do I spend daily on improving myself? Are you stuck because you are making no effort to expand your knowledge? Is there a skill you can learn? Think about it. You have so much time. Consider the number of hours you spend on mind-numbing social media platforms. Now think of how much of that time you could spend reading something you enjoy, learning a skill or a hobby. Pick one thing to do to improve yourself. Then stick with it and see how much progress you make.

4. Do my friends motivate me? Do you choose your friends carefully? Whether in-person or virtually, the people we surround ourselves with have a more significant effect on us than we like to admit. The key? Expand your circle of friends. Look at your vision board and pick one goal on the board. Now try to make a friend who is in that circle or knows people in that circle. How will this help? Eventually, you will follow along with the tide motivated to live the life of your dreams by surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

5. How willing am I to step out of my comfort zone? When was the last time you did something you found fascinating? Sometimes it helps to get away for a while. Change your environment for a day or two. Usually, we feel stuck because we are too comfortable with where we are physically in life. Do you want a new job? Apply. Do you want a relationship? Get out there. Do you want to travel? Go.

If you can’t afford to go away or have the time, do something you wouldn’t normally do or something spontaneous. It helps to spice things up and get you out of your daily routine.

6. Do I show gratitude for the things I enjoy? Gratitude lists can help us accomplish this. Write the things you are grateful for, even the smallest. Doing this regularly helps. You will find some good things that shine through your dark feelings. Tiny spots of light that brighten a dark hole. Recognize and appreciate those bright moments.


Remember, just because you feel trapped doesn’t mean that you are. If you feel stuck, move. You are in control of your life. If you take what actions you can take right now, you’re not stuck.

Find what you truly want in life and get started. The more things you try, the more likely it will be for you to find your place in this world.


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